Christmas...yes, I said Christmas.
Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2015 1:36 pmAnd so I celebrate another Christmas. Sixty two of them in total to be exact. Fifty one of them in another life and eleven in this current. I say that because of the NDE. It is almost as if I feel that I have two lives. The first one I remember but there are those holes in my memories and then there is the past eleven years.
Recently, I was reminded of how those holes exist and can make life a bit stressful during a time of family crisis.
On Sunday, December 13th, my brother-in-law decided to fell a tree that he and his friend were going to do together. It was a nice day that topped 70 degrees. Knowing how impatient he could be and since his friend was not showing to much alacrity in getting the job done, Steve decided to go out with his chainsaw and at least fell it. My sister came home around 2 and couldn't find him and figured he was out doing things which he was prone and she went to our Mother's house to check on her. She came home just before dark and still couldn't find Steve. She tried to call me but couldn't get through and so called Mom who eventually got through to me and told me that she couldn't find Steve and needed my help. Kim and I drove 20 miles in about 20 minutes on all back country roads. Since it was dark, the advanta\ge of seeing headlights gave us the advantage in ignoring stop signs. We got to their farm and saw many emergency vehicles. However, it was too late. He was gone. It appeared that after cutting the felling notch, which was nicely done, he must of had some difficulty. He shut the chainsaw off, took off his hard hat and put his gloves along with his safety glasses in side. He was found in a prone position.
Steve had a bypass about four years ago, one of those robotic ones that afforded a quicker recovery time. The following day, the cardiologist talked with my sister and informed her, from the test done just in November, that he was having issues but none that should have caused the incident that happened. However, he did mention that his ejection rate was only 38% and that he has had some silent heart attacks due to some tissue damage. Something he never said to my sister. I am sure that he figured this was just another one of those episodes and it would pass.
The funeral was difficult. Those holes presented themselves in that I met people I was supposed to know but had a difficult time remembering. What I could remember was only a facet of the whole which served to create anxiety that only made the day more difficult. The manner it happened only reminded me of my experience for we were both alone. I was lucky, he wasn't and so the survivor's guilt surfaced.
I am telling this story for several reasons. We had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner only two weeks prior. I put a new electric service in here at the farm for a new building I built and he dug the trench just recently in the end of October. We had, for the first time in 35 years, a good conversation about things that were never discussed for about an hour and a half. I wouldn't trade that for anything at this point. So, the first reason is....open up with those you love and don't be afraid to tell them what you feel.
Next, remember to love. When you leave the house or end a phone conversation, you don't know if that will be the last time you hear a persons voice. If appropriate, tell them you love them.
Next, never go to bed angry with those you love, you might not wake up in the morning.
And on a day as today and for those that celebrate the meanings for today of which one is love of all, remember to enjoy it with those you love, it could be the "Last Christmas" you may share on this plane.
I wish for all to have peace in their lives. I wish all to share and tell those close to them how you feel....that could be the best present you could give and one you may live with no regrets.
So.....Merry Christmas to all...even you Linda.
Mikado
Recently, I was reminded of how those holes exist and can make life a bit stressful during a time of family crisis.
On Sunday, December 13th, my brother-in-law decided to fell a tree that he and his friend were going to do together. It was a nice day that topped 70 degrees. Knowing how impatient he could be and since his friend was not showing to much alacrity in getting the job done, Steve decided to go out with his chainsaw and at least fell it. My sister came home around 2 and couldn't find him and figured he was out doing things which he was prone and she went to our Mother's house to check on her. She came home just before dark and still couldn't find Steve. She tried to call me but couldn't get through and so called Mom who eventually got through to me and told me that she couldn't find Steve and needed my help. Kim and I drove 20 miles in about 20 minutes on all back country roads. Since it was dark, the advanta\ge of seeing headlights gave us the advantage in ignoring stop signs. We got to their farm and saw many emergency vehicles. However, it was too late. He was gone. It appeared that after cutting the felling notch, which was nicely done, he must of had some difficulty. He shut the chainsaw off, took off his hard hat and put his gloves along with his safety glasses in side. He was found in a prone position.
Steve had a bypass about four years ago, one of those robotic ones that afforded a quicker recovery time. The following day, the cardiologist talked with my sister and informed her, from the test done just in November, that he was having issues but none that should have caused the incident that happened. However, he did mention that his ejection rate was only 38% and that he has had some silent heart attacks due to some tissue damage. Something he never said to my sister. I am sure that he figured this was just another one of those episodes and it would pass.
The funeral was difficult. Those holes presented themselves in that I met people I was supposed to know but had a difficult time remembering. What I could remember was only a facet of the whole which served to create anxiety that only made the day more difficult. The manner it happened only reminded me of my experience for we were both alone. I was lucky, he wasn't and so the survivor's guilt surfaced.
I am telling this story for several reasons. We had a very enjoyable Thanksgiving dinner only two weeks prior. I put a new electric service in here at the farm for a new building I built and he dug the trench just recently in the end of October. We had, for the first time in 35 years, a good conversation about things that were never discussed for about an hour and a half. I wouldn't trade that for anything at this point. So, the first reason is....open up with those you love and don't be afraid to tell them what you feel.
Next, remember to love. When you leave the house or end a phone conversation, you don't know if that will be the last time you hear a persons voice. If appropriate, tell them you love them.
Next, never go to bed angry with those you love, you might not wake up in the morning.
And on a day as today and for those that celebrate the meanings for today of which one is love of all, remember to enjoy it with those you love, it could be the "Last Christmas" you may share on this plane.
I wish for all to have peace in their lives. I wish all to share and tell those close to them how you feel....that could be the best present you could give and one you may live with no regrets.
So.....Merry Christmas to all...even you Linda.
Mikado